sylnl

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #138 Sharing
Rating: PG
Summary: “Love only grows by sharing. You can only have more for yourself by giving it away to others.” – Brian Tracy
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar


Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 137


After the fried chicken had been transformed into a stack of skin and bones and all veggies had found a way to three stomachs, Luke gave Reid a quick glance and after a nod, the blond looked at their son.

“Danny, we’d like to ask you something.”

“Okay. Can I sit with you?”

Luke smiled. “Of course.”

He lifted his son to his lap and gave him a big hug. He positioned Danny in a way so he could see the boy’s face.

“And you remember our deal, right?”

“Say how I feel, not what I think you want to hear,” Danny recited and his fathers smiled.

“Exactly,” Luke stroked the boy’s leg. “Today someone from Child Services came to talk to us and no, there was no bad news.” Luke quickly said and Danny nodded.

“What did she want?”

“It wasn’t Mrs. Smith. It was a man and he told us about a little girl that lost her mom and dad.”

Danny frowned.

“That’s sad.”

“Yeah, it is. She’s in the hospital.”

The frown deepened. “Did somebody hurt her too?”

“Yes, but not like you’ve been hurt.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“It is.”

“So why did this man want to talk to you?”

“Because they want to give this girl a new home.”

“Here?” Danny looked from Luke to Reid. “You’re gonna replace me with her?”

“No no no,” Luke gave the boy another big hug, “Of course not, silly. We love you, remember?”

“Yeah,” Danny looked shy. “But I don’t understand…”

“They asked us if we wanted to give this girl a home too.”

The boy was back to the frowning.

“Live here? With us? Forever you mean?”

“Yeah. As your sister.”

“What did you tell this man?”

“That we would talk to you about it. How do you feel about that? Having a sister?”

Danny shrugged. “I don’t know. I never had one.” His little fingers made figures on Luke’s arm.

“Does she have to live here?”

Luke smiled at him. “No. They will look for another family if we decide not to do it.”

“But that family wouldn’t be this nice.”

“We don’t know…”

“I know,” Danny sounded sad. “This is a very good home. How old is she?”

“She’s five.”

That made Danny look up.

“I would be like a big brother then. Just like you.”

“That’s right.”

“Does she want a big brother?”

“We don’t know. We haven’t asked her yet.”

“Have you seen her?”

“We have, just for a moment.”

“Did you talk to her?”

“We said a few words, but she didn’t. She hasn’t spoken yet.”

“At all?”

Luke smiled. That had been his question a few hours earlier.

“At all.”

Deep in thought Danny nestled himself to Luke’s chest, but when Reid stood up to make some coffee, the boy sat up straight again and watched his activities.

“What did you think of her, Daddy?”

Reid looked up from the coffee maker and gave his son a quick smile. He remembered his first impression very well.

“She looked lonely.”

“Lonely?” Danny turned to Luke again, “Is she alone in the hospital?”

“No, she’s with seven other children in the room. But she seemed in a world of her own…”

The girl had reminded Luke of Tristan, the son of Dave McTaylor. The man’s voice bridged his memory with his consciousness. ‘Tristan is very introverted. We’re seeing some experts…’

Everything inside him told him that Zoë was indeed a challenging case. But that didn’t scare him off. On the contrary.

“World of her own,” Danny repeated softly, taking a deep breath.

“You know how that feels, don’t you?” Luke guessed and Danny glanced at him.

“Yeah.”

“So, what are you thinking…” Reid placed a small glass of lemonade in front of the boy and a mug of coffee next to it.

“I don’t know,” the boy shrugged. “It could be nice.”

“But?”

“It could also not be nice.” Danny shrugged again.

“Okay, let’s start with the nice things,” Luke encouraged him.

“I would always have someone to play with…” Danny started. “And with us she would be safe. And happy. Like me.”

“True,” Luke nodded, sipping his coffee. “And what could not be nice?”

“Now I have all your attention. All your love.”

“You would still have all our love, Danny. That’s what’s so great about love. It’s not a pie…the parts don’t get smaller if you divide it among many others. If anything, there will be more love to share.”

When the boy frowned, Luke laughed. “Don’t try to understand…it’s magic.”

Looking at Reid, Luke realized his words had confused his man too, so he added: “Love is the only thing in life that grows when you share it.”

“Maybe not the only thing,” Reid’s provocative tone and raised eyebrow made Luke chuckle.

“I stand corrected,” instinctively Luke licked his lips, but then forced himself to break off eye contact with Reid and to focus on the boy on his lap.

“And you’re right about the attention thing, Danny. If we added someone to our family, it would mean less attention for you. From us. But you would get attention from this girl. So you hand in some attention from us, but you gain attention from this new family member.”

Danny nodded.

“Is she nice?”

“Again, we don’t really know,” Luke kissed Danny’s temple. “We know she lived through some scary times and that she needs a new home. That’s about it.”

“You don’t know her name?”

“Yes, I forgot about that, but we do. Her name is Zoë.”

“Zoë,” Danny repeated, sounding absent minded. “Do you have a picture?”

“We do…” Luke looked at Reid, “I left the papers in the hallway. Would you mind…?”

“Nope, I’ll get it.”

“So, tell me what’s on your mind, Danny…” Luke whispered and the boy leaned against his chest.

“I’m scared.”

“Of what?”

“That she won’t like me…”

“What? What’s not to like about you?”

Danny shrugged.

“I know you and Daddy like me, but before you, there were a lot of people that didn’t like me…”

“And now there’s a lot of people that do…it’s not just me and Daddy. It’s Uncle Will, Hallie and Aunt Gwen, GG Emma and Lucinda, Faith, Ethan, Natalie, Aunt Katie and I can go on and on…it a longgggg list…”

Reid returned with the picture and placed it in front of Luke and Danny. His face looked neutral, but Luke could see the emotion in his blue eyes. The small pale face with the red curls and piercing blue eyes and bruising had obviously been difficult to look at for Reid.

Danny picked the photo up and studied it.

“You said she wasn’t hurt like me…but she has bruises too.”

“Child Services isn’t sure, but they think someone threw her on the road. She was found lying beside the road. That would explain the bruising. She also has a broken leg and some broken ribs. But as I said…she hasn’t talked and we don’t know if she can talk...”

“She looks scared,” Danny whispered, his hand softly touching the picture.

“She does,” Luke agreed.

“I think she needs a lot of love.”

Luke nodded. “And patience. And time. And understanding.”

“We can do that, right?” Danny looked Luke in the eye and the blond smiled.

“We can. Question is if we want to…”

“Did you want to…that day I was in the hospital?”

That question threw Luke and automatically he looked at Reid.

“It felt more like a need to,” the doctor replied. “We knew we couldn’t live with ourselves if we let you go with Mrs. Smith and more bad stuff would have happened to you. We needed to know you were safe and taking you home was the only way to guarantee that.”

“Could you live with yourself if anything bad would happen to Zoë?”

Luke and Reid exchanged a telling glance. Precocious, much?

“We cannot take in every child that needs help, Danny.” Reid sounded defensive, but the boy wasn’t impressed.

“This is not every child. This is one little girl.”

The way Danny folded his arms and pulled up his chin, a defiant glance in his eyes, reminded Reid of Luke. All ready to save the world. Determined to rescue who he could.

“So you would be okay with it?” The blue eyes narrowed.

“I would,” Danny nodded without breaking off the eye contact. “She has blue eyes, just like you. I have brown eyes, just like Daddy.”

“And that’s important…” Reid tried to sound teasing, but Luke could hear a hint of sarcasm and it made him bite his lip. But before he could end their discussion, Danny answered. 

“It is to me. She belongs here.”

“Okay, you made your point,” Luke rose to his feet, lifting Danny up in the process. “You go up and change into your PJs and we’ll be there soon to tuck you in.”

When he put Danny down, the boy quickly kissed his cheek, moved over to Reid and repeated the gesture. Then he made his way to the stairs. Skipping again.

Reid watched him leave with mixed feelings. He looked up when he felt Luke’s fingers on his cheek.

“Your back isn’t against the wall, Reid. He will still be skipping if we decide against taking her in. We’ll make him understand. You don’t have to fight us on this one. We’re a team. Two yes votes and one no is still no.”

Luke kissed the curls he loved so much and turned on the threshold.

“See you upstairs?”

Reid quickly nodded and gave Luke a loving smile. “Of course. I’ll be there soon. And thanks.”

Luke blew him a kiss and without realizing, Reid’s hand reached across the table and picked up the photo. God, she looked so fragile. She would probably leak a lot. And do all kinds of girly stuff. Being a girl and all. His thumb moved over her cheek.  

‘Could you live with yourself if anything bad would happen to Zoë?’

Damn.

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #137 Perfect as it is
Rating: PG
Summary:  “If the world was perfect, it wouldn't be.” - Yogi Berra
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar


Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 136

He had found her picture in the pile of papers, but even if he hadn’t seen it, he would have known who she was. With his arms filled with fluffy bears and dogs – giving the small hospital shop record sales figures today – he stood on the threshold and swallowed. She looked bruised, fragile and very small. Luke almost shrieked when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Hello Santa,” was whispered in his ear and Luke smiled.

“I didn’t want to single her out, so I bought one for every child in the room…” Luke explained, giving the man next to him a little bump at the shoulder. “I thought you were going home.”

“I am. I guess I needed to see her too…”

Luke’s big brown eyes glimmered as he handed Reid a few cuddly toys.

“You can be my elf,” he grinned and Reid rolled his eyes, but accepted them anyway. He scanned the room and Luke saw how Reid’s eyes stopped at the little girl.

“She looks lonely…” Reid muttered and Luke just nodded.

“Let’s give her a toy…”

When the men stepped into the room, the sight of the stuffed beasts released a lot of excitement and with big smiles Reid and Luke handed them out. The kids’ gratefulness almost made them forget the real reason they were here, but when they arrived at her bed, they both choked up.

She’d had her eyes closed the whole time, but when they reached her, she suddenly opened them, showing them bright blue eyes. Luke had the last toy, a white bear, and when he gave it to her and smiled, she stared into his eyes. For a minute she seemed reluctant to accept the gift, but then she extended both hands and pulled the bear to her chest.

“He’s as white as your cast, see?”

Blue eyes met blue eyes and for a moment she frowned. Just when they thought she wouldn’t respond, she gave a little nod and closed her eyes again. The show was over.

Waving goodbye in general, Reid and Luke left the room again and only when they walked towards their cars, they found words.

“She has your eyes.”

“Don’t start, Luke.”

“Not manipulating. Just stating the obvious.”

“Yeah, right.”

“Okay, maybe manipulating a little. Sorry about that.”

“It’s okay. She does have my eyes.”

“Why did you come after all?”

“I needed to challenge my defense mechanism…”

Luke smiled. “I’m glad. Now what?”

“Now we go home to Danny and talk to him.”

“Okay,” Luke gave Reid a kiss and pointed at his car. “See you there.”

Getting both his daddies back at the same time proved to be a little much for Danny. He didn’t know who to greet and ended up running up and down between them.

“Hey Racing Duckling, slow down,” Reid laughed, lifting him up for the second time in the last five minutes. “You’re happy to see us again, we get that.”

“So you did see Daddy at the hospital,” Danny looked a little accusatory, but Luke just smiled.

“Yeah, we ran into each other when I was visiting my mother,” he calmly explained and turned to Will.

“Miss Lydia left?”

“Yeah, you just missed her.”

“It took longer than I expected. Sorry about that.”

“No problem, as I already texted you…” Will winked at him. “But Gwen just called that she was heading home, so I’m going too…”

“Okay, let me walk you out. I want to run something by you real quick…”

“So buddy, how was your day?” Reid put Danny down and the boy started pulling Reid’s hand.

“Come. I wanna show you…”

They walked into the dining room slash class room and Danny pointed at a sheet of paper. When Reid took a seat, the boy climbed on his lap and they both looked at the drawing. It was a circle with little rings and lots of color.

“It looks beautiful,” Reid softly tapped Danny’s leg. “Did you do that?”

“Yeah. You see, Daddy…this ring are the colors of my past.”

That explains the many dark colors, Reid thought.

“So what are the yellow and orange parts in your past?”

“Yellow is my angel. She lit up the dark. And orange is when I could go to school. It was my escape.”

“I see. Well, we don’t have to explain the black and the brown now, do we?”

“No,” Danny shook his head. “Let’s not. I did tell Miss Lydia. Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, Danny. It’s your story to tell and you tell it when you want to whoever you want.”

“Okay.” The boy smiled at him.

Reid’s long index finger touched another ring in the circle.

“And what’s this?”

“This is now.”

“So you feel all green and blue and yellow and red, do you?”

Danny giggled.

 “They are happy colors and I feel happy.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah, it is,” the boy sounded very content and Reid watched him with a smile, silently making up his mind. Why change anything? Life was perfect the way it was.

 “Hey guys,” Luke’s head peeked in. “Are you hungry yet?”

“Of course,” Reid snorted, “but first come and see what our son has been doing today…”

Patiently Danny started to explain the circle, rings and colors again and he was visibly enjoying their undivided attention.

“And what’s the middle?”

“That’s for tomorrow,” Danny smiled.

“I see… well, you did a great job, buddy.”

Danny’s pride was all over his face.

“Did it feel okay, me being away for a while?”

“Yeah. I haven’t been scared.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” Luke ruffled the boy’s hair and rose to his feet. “I’ll make us some dinner.”

Before Luke had left the room, Reid was on his feet too, lifting Danny to his chest.

“Come on, son. Let’s keep your daddy company.”

“Can I get robot?”

“Of course.” Reid put Danny on the ground and watched him skipping to the living room. Skipping! How joyful was that? When he saw Luke looking at him, he smiled.

“He’s happy.”

“I know,” Luke put his arm around Reid’s waist. “So am I. Whatever we decide. Remember that.”

Reid kissed his temple. “I love you.”

“Yeah yeah, sucking up to the cook…I see right through you, mister.”

“You know me too well,” Reid softly pinched Luke’s thigh, making him squeal. With a quick shift Luke turned himself in front of his doctor and pinched another sensitive body part. The groan was telling and they both laughed.

“Come on, get me some food,” Reid slapped Luke’s bottom and then quickly moved out of the way to prevent any retaliation. With a wicked smile he got some plates out the cupboard and set the table. Yeah, he loved his life. Just as it was right now.

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #136 Time warp
Rating: PG
Summary:  “Let him who would enjoy a good future waste none of his present.” - Roger Babson
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 135


Luke and Reid nodded and looking at their faces made Bill Chimberlane take a deep breath. Damn. They were the first couple he thought of for this case. He just knew they would be perfect. Judge Jessup had been very resolute in his rapport about his findings and the personal talk he’d had with the judge had confirmed the admiration and trust he felt for these two men.

He sank on the couch. “Is there any way I could change your mind?”

Luke lowered his head and it made Reid bite his lip again.

“It’s not a definite no yet,” Reid heard himself say and he frowned. Where did that come from? Luke looked surprised too. It’s not?

Chimberlane looked relieved. That was more than he had hoped for.

“May I ask what the biggest obstacle is?”

It was Luke who explained, showing Reid that he really understood. And their visitor understood too.

“Let me start by saying that I’m glad Danny is such a priority,” the man smiled, “And I respect your assessment. You both know Danny best, so if you think it would hurt his healing process to bring in another child, a no would be the right choice.”

“But?” Luke challenged him and Bill grinned.

“I know you grew up with siblings, Mr. Snyder. So did I. Having a little sister could also be very beneficial to Danny. To experience family, sharing, bonding…lots of stuff.”

Luke just nodded and Reid knew why. Bill was repeating the point Luke had made earlier, but he didn’t want to let Reid down by sharing that with their visitor.

“It’s something we should ask Danny,” Reid said, more to himself, but Mr. Child Services took his words and ran with it.

“That’s a very good idea.”

“Why are you approaching us with this particular case?” Luke asked, his eyes on the papers again.

“Unfortunately a lot of children fall by the wayside, Mr. Snyder, and we’re grateful that we have a huge system of loving families that are willing to take those children in. But sometimes we encounter kids that stand out. Like Danny. What he endured was…” Bill sighed and shook his head, “…mind blowing. And it takes a special home to give kids like that a chance to heal. You two offer that kind of home and when I met Zoë,” the man shook his head again, “and learned her background, you were on my mind immediately.”

“Similar backgrounds?” Reid’s question almost sounded like a growl.

“No, no...not the abuse…at least, as far as we know.” Bill frowned, “I’m happy to share what we do know…”

Reid’s brain yelled: ‘No! Shut up!’ Reid’s heart whispered: ‘I need to hear.’ He knew Luke wanted to know, so he listened to his heart.

“Go on.”

“Zoë was found on the side of the road, next to her parents. The parents were murdered and Zoë’s leg and a few ribs were broken, but she was alive.”

“Family members?” Reid was in his doctor mode. His way of keeping his emotions out of the equation.

“Some. An uncle, the brother of the father, but he’s a priest in Europe and an aunt of the mother, but she’s in an elderly home. They can’t take her in. We already checked that.”

“Does she remember any of it?” Luke asked and Bill sighed.

“We don’t know. She isn’t talking.”

“At all?”

“At all. Since she’s been found, she hasn’t said a word. We don’t know if it’s the trauma or if she’s never been able to speak.”

“How old is she?” Luke whispered.

“Five.”

Reid didn’t have to ask. He knew Luke. His loving man wanted to rush to her aid. He was touched too, he wouldn’t deny that. But another troubled kid…

Thanks to Danny, he wasn’t questioning his dad-skills anymore. He knew he had those. But a little girl? And no communication?

“Shit.” The heartfelt word was out before he realized and it made them all chuckle.

“I know,” Bill’s smile was understanding, “but I wouldn’t be here if you were one of the many options. As I said…for some reason she made me think of you and Danny. And I’ll be honest. Until you come up with a definite no, I will try very hard to make it happen. It’s my gut instinct. That doesn’t happen very often, but then again…cases like Zoë don’t happen very often either.”

“Okay, you made your point,” Reid stood up to end it. “We will discuss this some more and we’ll get back to you.”

“Please do,” the man handed Reid his card after he wrote on it. “It’s my cell phone number. I hope to hear from you soon. Whatever the answer is.”

“We’ll let you know,” Luke promised, shaking the man’s hand.

After he left, they both noticed the papers on the table and Reid shook his head.

“Devious Devil.”

“He’s very determined,” Luke smiled, “and I like that, to be honest.”

“Yeah, me too,” Reid agreed smirking. “I saw you pulling a face when he mentioned her name, by the way. What was that about?”

Now it was Luke’s turn to smirk. “I knew a Zoë,” he rolled his eyes, “and let’s just say she isn’t part of my best memories.”

Folding his arms, Reid gave Luke a curious look.

“Sounds intriguing.”

“Just one of those situations you like to refer to as SSDs”

“I was afraid of that. So in what Snyder Soap Drama is this Zoë involved?”

“She and her lover had kidnapped Noah and me.”

“Ah, nice girl,” Reid raised his eyebrow.

“Apparently she was part of the Grimaldi family,” Luke chuckled. He knew what was coming. Reid didn’t disappoint.

“Of course she was,” he snorted.

“And she wanted to have my baby.”

“Excuse me?” Reid actually looked baffled. “She was family and she…” he shrugged and took a deep breath. “Oh well…as you said…SSD all the way.”

“It was,” Luke grinned. “At the time it was pretty scary, because Noah was shot and this girl started kissing me…”

They both pulled a face.

“Anyway…her plans failed. But I had a little flashback when Mr. Chimberlane mentioned her name.”

“I understand your facial expression now,” Reid grinned. “But by the looks of it, it didn’t put you off.”

“It didn’t,” Luke agreed, grabbing Reid’s hand and softly kissing him. “You go ahead, I need to do something before I go home…”

Reid took Luke’s chin between his fingers and looked him in the eye.

“Let me guess…you’re gonna visit the Children’s Ward.”

Luke blushed. “I am. I need to see her.”

“I know,” Reid kissed him. “You go, I’ll sign off with Gwen.”

“Okay,” Luke swallowed away his disappointment. Part of him had hoped Reid would accompany him. The fact that he didn’t, made him aware that the ‘no’ was very present. He took the papers and pressed them against his chest.

“I’ll see you at home,” after another quick kiss Luke left and Reid watched him leave with a heavy heart. He felt like a coward and gasped when some sort of time warp showed Luke and him at Java, having an emotional argument.

“You’re the one that can’t handle the emotional overload,” the Luke-in-his-head said, “And that’s why you can’t give your heart one hundred percent to anything or to anyone. And you want everybody else to react the exact same way. You just had Katie do exactly what it is you always do. You run away when things get too sensitive. When things get messy, you turn your back, you run away from that mess.”

“It’s called a defense mechanism,” the Reid-in-his-head explained. “It’s what keeps me sane.”

“You know what, Reid. It might keep you sane, but it also keeps you from being able to love.”

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #135 Dilemma
Rating: PG
Summary: “Our dilemma is that we hate change and love it at the same time; what we really want is for things to remain the same but get better.” - Sydney J. Harris quotes
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 134


Their reaction to the man’s introduction showed their difference in character.

Reid folded his arms and narrowed his eyes, looking standoffish, distrustful and alert. Luke moved closer to Reid, instinctively looking for support, with agitation and suspense in his brown eyes.

“Did my assistant let you in here?” Reid’s face was cold. He would need a firm talking to Gwen if she did. He could have used a tip-off. He felt ambushed.

Bill Chimberlane hurried to take full responsibility, though.

“No, no… I never thought you would have one, to be honest,” he had the decency to look embarrassed, “I asked for directions to your office, ended up here and found it empty. I just took a seat.”

“I see,” Reid raised an eyebrow, clearly showing what he felt about that behavior. But even without Luke’s hand on his back, he knew better than to bite this guy’s head off. To his surprise he didn’t have to do anything to set Mr. Whatshisface straight.

“Very presumptuous of me, I realize that now.”

Reid confined himself to a nod and a calm “So, how can we help you?”

“Do you mind if I…?”

After another nod of the doctor, Bill Chimberlane sat down on the couch again and Reid and Luke took a seat on the other couch, watching him like a hawk. It made their visitor smile.

“I hope I didn’t startle you. I’m not here with any bad news or to stir up trouble.” He could see how the younger guy took a deep breath and Bill shook his head. He hadn’t handled this very well.

“On the contrary. We’re extremely happy Danny found a good home with you both…Everything is sealed and signed, so no one is even thinking about taking Danny away from you.”

“We still didn’t receive the official adoption documents, though.” Luke’s voice was trembling a little.

Bill frowned and pulled out his phone. “Let me check that.”

His conversation with whoever was at the other end of the connection was revealing. He didn’t ask. He ordered.

After he disconnected, his smile was apologetic.

“It should be in the mail tomorrow. Please let me know if it isn’t. Sorry for the delay.”

Reid started to relax. If anything, this guy took charge and he liked that. He put his arm around Luke and squeezed his upper arm. Whatever it is, we’ll be fine.

“Thanks for that. Now tell us why you’re here.”

Bill was not thrown by Reid’s approach. His smile was calm and collected.

“I’m here because we have a problem,” when he saw the tension building, he raised his hands. “Child Services. Not you. But you could be our solution. That’s why I’m here.”

The man reached into his briefcase and pulled out a stack of papers and all of a sudden Reid knew.

“So we worked our way up from fags with attitudes to the couple to accommodate challenging cases?”

“Something like that,” Bill’s grin showed respect. “Let me start by saying that Mrs. Smith has accepted employment somewhere else.”

“That’s good,” Luke murmured, still confused by Reid’s conclusion. They wanted them to take in another child?

“And yes, your current track record with Danny made us hope…” He was about to open the file in front of him, when Reid reached over and turned the papers upside down.

“Don’t show us any pictures,” he hissed. “Having another child is a difficult discussion enough, without you telling us who and what. I don’t like being played like that.”

Bill didn’t even deny his intentions. He just nodded. “Fair enough. Can I go for a walk and come back in, let’s say, fifteen minutes?”

“You are in a rush?”

“We need to find this child a solid home and if you decide against it, I need to search for second best. But the child is here in Memorial for a few days, so it’s not as immediate as it was with Danny.”

“He’s here?” Luke’s question made Reid sigh. He knew that tone of voice. Luke was already committed.

“It’s a she, actually…” Bill lowered his head, as if he’d hated to reveal that information.

Reid almost cursed out loud. This guy was good.

“It’s a little girl?” Luke frowned, “We can’t raise a little girl?!”

Bill Chimberlane looked thrown for a moment.

“Why not?”

“Because obviously we’ve never been one. A girl needs a mother…”

“This girl needs stability, safety and patience. Heaps of it,” Bill refuted. “The rest will sort itself out eventually.”

“Sure,” Reid snorted and then made a telling hand movement. “Just leave and meet us back here in fifteen minutes.”

He knew it was no coincidence that their visitor left the papers on the table. He intercepted Luke gazing at them.

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Luke. Talk to me.”

Luke shifted on the couch until he faced Reid and he then took both Reid’s hands in his.

“You talk to me. You obviously have reservations. So do I, by the way, but I have a feeling I’m leaning towards yes and you’re contemplating a no.”

Reid slowly nodded. “I think you’re right about that.”

“Why is that?”

“Luke! You even need to ask? We made some great progress with Danny, yes. But he isn’t there yet. Not even close. And in spite of the delegating I did, I have a demanding job. The time I can spend with Danny is already way less than I wish it was. I don’t need another child in the mix. It means even less attention for Danny.”

Luke nodded, his eyes sad. “I see your point and although I hate to say this, it’s a valid point.”

“Thank you.” Reid waited a moment and then squeezed Luke’s hands. “No but?”

“No but,” Luke shrugged. “When you’re right, you’re right. I don’t want to take away from Danny either. I just feel like…” he shook his head and closed his mouth.

“Feel like what, Luke?”

“No. It was becoming a but and I don’t think that’s fair,” Luke took a deep sigh. “I respect your opinion. And maybe it’s for the best. What do we know about raising girls?”

“You did great with Natalie and Faith,” Reid played with a blond lock.

“Not the same thing. We did have a mother in the house. She may not have been the greatest role model for the girls, but at least they had one.”

Reid nodded. It was a bad idea. Bad timing. Bad everything. It made sense to turn this opportunity down. Why did it make him feel so sad? Looking at Luke made him realize his lover was experiencing the same thing.

“Please tell me what you were about to say…even if it’s a but…” he encouraged Luke and after a small hesitation, Luke shrugged.

“It’s just that… the way Danny opens up to Hallie…it might be healing for Danny to have a sibling around. About his own age. Although we don’t know how old she is, of course. And who knows…maybe the timing is just perfect… maybe it would be more difficult to bring another child into the house when Danny has been with us for a few years…when we’re all settled in our ways.”

Reid let Luke’s words sink in and nodded. He felt something tingle in his chest. It made him lean to the back of the couch, running his fingers through his curls.

“And it’s all different now,” Luke continued. “When Danny came into our lives, we had to make a lot of changes. Figure stuff out. But this time... We have a home tutor. I’m pretty sure Miss Lydia doesn’t mind one more… I mean…our lives are already set up around one child. That was the biggest step…We could turn the guest room into her room…”

Oh God, he was already rearranging the house in his head! Luke pressed his lips together. There were so many reasons to say no. Why did everything inside of him keep hankering for a yes?

“Then we couldn’t have any guests over…” Reid put forward.

“We’ll have two guest houses soon…” Luke grinned. “That should be enough, right?”

For a moment they both chuckled.

“But again, Reid…you made a strong point. I understand. I truly do.”

“That’s your head talking,” Reid softly said and Luke looked surprised.

“It is,” he then admitted, shrugging. “But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There will always be kids who need a loving home. We can’t take them all in. Even if it is a special case…”

“Why do you think it’s a special case?” Reid raised his eyebrow again.

“A hunch. Something in that guy’s eyes when you mentioned us being the couple for challenging cases. Like we are his only hope.”

“Sales trick,” Reid shrugged.

“Maybe,” Luke shrugged too, his eyes wandering to the papers again. “We could find out…”

Reid bit his lip. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”

“You’re afraid I’ll fall in love with her.”

“I’m more afraid I will,” Reid sighed.

Luke had already been leaning towards the table, but sat straight without picking the papers up.

“We won’t look then.”

Reid hesitated but a knock on his office door prevented him from changing his mind.

“Can I come in?”

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #134 Feeling safe
Rating: PG
Summary:  “Do you want to be safe and good, or do you want to take a chance and be great?” - Jimmy Johnson
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 133

“Danny, I have another choice for you to make.”

Luke sat across from his son, both enjoying their breakfast, and Danny looked up. Curiously.

“I need to go to the hospital today. I have an appointment with Dr. Michaels. Remember the nice lady we talked with?”

Danny nodded.

“And after that I want to visit my mom for a while. So here’s the choice. You can come with me or you can stay here with Uncle Will, Miss Lydia and Hallie.”

The boy frowned. “Are you meeting Daddy too?”

“Nope. He is meeting the doctors today. But if there are no emergencies, Daddy will be home for dinner.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“A few hours. Three, maybe four.”

“And Uncle Will will be here all the time…”

“Yes, I already asked him.”

Danny took a deep sigh. This was a big moment. They both felt it.

“Okay, Daddy. I’d like to stay home.”

Wow. Luke swallowed the emotion down.

“Okay, buddy. Let me call Dr. Michaels to confirm my appointment.”

With a quick nod Danny returned to his bowl of cereal and after Luke made the call, his fingers flew over the keyboard for a quick text.

• D lets me leave him today

The reply took longer than normal and Luke started to feel a little embarrassed. Obviously Reid was busy. The reply eased his mind, though.

• Big step! xxx Enjoy!

With a smile he put the phone in his pocket, watching Danny eat. Yeah, this was a big step. It filled him with hope.

When the intercom started bleeping, he saw the boy’s joy and Luke’s hope grew. Danny really started to enjoy company. Another thing he had been worried about.

“Okay…guess…” Luke teased, as they both walked towards the hallway.

“Hmmm…Miss Lydia.” Danny grinned. His tutor was always the first one to arrive and sure enough the boy won their ‘bet’ again.

“Good morning, Miss Lydia!” he called out through the speaker and as usual the teacher laughed. It was a sparkling sound, like little bells.

“Good morning, Danny.”

After he pushed the button, his eyes stayed on the screen and he frowned.

“Who is that, Daddy?”

Luke watched the screen too and noticed the man Danny pointed out.

“I don’t know. Hold on.”

Luke pushed another button.

“Leroy?”

“Yes, Mr. Snyder?” The low voice of the guard sounded immediately.

“Who was that guy who just walked in?”

“That’s Robert, Mr. Snyder. He works here. Has a pass and I’ve seen him from day one.”

“Okay. Thanks, Leroy.”

“My pleasure, sir.”

Danny smiled at Luke. “Thank you for asking.”

“No problem. You know our deal. Whenever you feel something is off, we’ll check it out.” Whatever makes you feel safe.

“Does Uncle Will know that too?”

“He does. And so does Miss Lydia. They will keep you safe, buddy.”

Danny didn’t take the time to answer. He gave a quick nod and then hurried to the door, ready to welcome his teacher. Yeah, their boy was turning into a regular six year old. Luke couldn’t be happier.

Will and Hallie arrived too and Luke’s heart warmed when he saw Will’s smile.

“I’m glad he feels safe enough to let you go,” Will softly tapped Luke on his shoulder. “That’s a good sign.”

“I told you he trusts you…” Luke put his hand on Will’s back.

“Yeah, you did. And I kinda knew you were right. But this is telling it all,” Will’s grin was content.

“I understand. My appointment is in two hours. Did you find some more info on the crash victims?”

Will nodded, opening his laptop, and after watching their kids in some sort of game with their teacher, the men turned to work.

The minute he stepped into the room, surprise was all over his face and after a quick hand movement to the others present, all his attention was fixated at the blond who rose to his feet to meet him with his trademark smile.

“I didn’t know you’d be here, Looker…” Reid grabbed the hair on Luke’s neck and leaned in for a soft kiss. Again he was surprised, this time by Luke’s tongue, playfully seeking entrance. So young Mr. Snyder was provoking him, huh?

Without any hesitation or reluctance Reid deepened the kiss in front of their audience and it was Luke who pulled back before he could take it up a level. Flushed, but looking extremely pleased with himself.

“I didn’t expect to see you either,” Luke panted a little, his eyes all shiny, “but it’s obviously a good surprise.”

“Obviously,” Reid and Damian simultaneously replied, making everybody laugh. After shaking the hands of both fathers, Reid accepted Lily extended hand and suddenly realized Luke’s wicked charm wasn’t all Grimaldi. With a telling tap on her cheek, Lily dared him and after raising his eyebrow Reid leaned over and kissed her softly on the cheek.

When he came up and saw Luke beam, he could hardly suppress a smile. He still wasn’t sure what kind of game Lily was playing – was it a game? – but as long as it made his lover this happy, he would play along.

“Are you done with the meetings?” Luke had made his way next to him again and Reid put his arm around him.

“I am. It went very smoothly, I must admit. It took some time and effort to put this team together, but now it pays off. They’re all very professional and responsible.”

“Let me guess…” Holden teased, “You like that.”

Reid grinned. “Good guess. I do. Being a doctor should be about saving lives. Not about politics, money, egos...”

“…or pleasant bedside manners,” Lily giggled and Reid’s look was gentle.

“Exactly. Waste of time.” In spite of the doctor’s grin, Luke knew Reid was very serious, so when his man gave him a wink, Luke mirrored that gesture.

“How about you…did you just arrive, or…”

“We’ve already had a long talk,” Luke pulled himself a little closer to Reid, “and I think we came to some solid agreements about the pony.”

“That’s good,” Reid gave a quick smile in general and then accepted Holden’s cell phone. It showed a picture of a yellowish horse with long brown mane.

“He’s pretty,” Reid handed back the phone and shrugged when Luke corrected him.

“She. Her name is Dawn.”

“I’m sure Danny will love her,” Reid stated and everybody smiled.

“Me too. And my dad Holden had another surprise for me,” Luke looked at the kind face of his adoptive father and smiled at him. “He’s giving me Handsome.”

“Really?” For some reason the mere mentioning of the horse’s name stirred something inside. To cover this response, Reid kissed Luke’s temple.

“I know how much you love that horse, so I’m happy for you.”

“Just say the word and we’ll give you a horse too, Reid…” Damian sounded a little teasing and it took all Reid’s self-control to keep him from sticking out his tongue.

“A very kind offer, Damian…” the doctor rolled his eyes, “But for now the only horse that brings me joy is standing on a chess board.”

“So all you need now is a finished barn,” Reid ruffled Luke’s hair, enjoying his guy’s obvious happiness.

“Yeah. They’re getting there. Maybe we can move in the horses a week from now.”

“Danny will go insane,” Reid predicted and everybody nodded.

“He will. My parents also provided for all necessary riding gear, but we need to ease him into it. Dawn and Handsome will need some time to get acclimatized.”

“They do, although I’ve put them together and they feel very comfortable with each other.”

“That’s very thoughtful,” Reid murmured and Holden smiled.

“Horses are very sensitive. If you treat them with respect and love, they’ll allow you to connect and let me assure you, Reid…that’s an amazing experience.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Reid grinned, looking at Luke when he felt his hand on his back.

“How about going home?” His blond asked, but his eyes held a whole different question and Reid softly squeezed Luke’s chin.

“Sounds good. I do need to go to my office and let Gwen know…”

“No problem…I’ll join you.”

Reid wasn’t surprised. He could see a red button moment in his immediate future.

The goodbyes were superficial, but relaxed and friendly and when they left the room, Luke was all contentment.

“Good visit?”

“Yeah, it was. First I had a good talk with Dr. Michaels and when I entered my mom’s room, Damian and Holden were there. So it was just perfect timing. And then you walk in. As the finishing touch…”

Reid kissed Luke’s temple again and when they arrived in his office, he swept Luke around, closing the door with his foot and hitting the red button in one smooth movement. Their lips met, but then the clearing of a throat startled them.

The stranger on the couch rose to his feet, extending his hand and grinning a little mischievously.

“I’m sorry to interrupt…”

For some reason Reid and Luke didn’t believe that for a second and while Luke shook the man’s hand, Reid narrowed his eyes.

“Who are you?”

“I’m Bill. Bill Chimberlane. I’m with Child Services and I need to talk to you.”

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #133 Perfection in action
Rating: PG
Summary:  “Harmony is perfection.” - Henri Frederic Amiel
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 132

‘Eventually we will all die one day. And there have been times I couldn’t have cared less. I provoked death. Pleaded, even. To come and get me. It feels like another me. I’m so grateful to be alive, right now. Grateful for my life. Grateful for the love in my life. And it’s this love that encourages me to write this document. This enumeration of last wishes. Something to go on for the people I leave behind.

Thinking about my last wishes, I realized I really don’t care what happens to me after I passed. I feel no preference. Whatever my immediate family wants, is fine by me. It really is.

For selfish reasons I hope Reid will be there to decide. If he is, it means I didn’t have to live through his departure. As I said, selfish. I know. But I love this man so much, that the thought of losing him is too painful to comprehend.

I went through that yesterday, January 11^th 2011. Oh wow, 1-11-11. Didn’t notice that before. I know the 1 symbolizes new beginnings. Well, that’s a lot of ones.

Anyway, yesterday I thought I’d lost Reid in a plane crash and I could feel my world crashing too. I was blessed. He walked through the door the same day. But now I know how it feels to live without him, I’m giving myself permission to be selfish. I’m sorry, my love, I hope I’ll go first.

I have reason to believe that death isn’t the end of life. That it’s just another form of life. Brad and Annie come to mind as very real reminders of that. And it gives me a sense of comfort that all the love, all the connection I feel right now, will never be in vain. Will never be lost. That this love will be felt, even when I’m not here to give it a voice.

There’s a lot of love in my life. I’m very fortunate. So I really thought I knew everything I needed to know about love. Reid and Danny showed me I was wrong. I had no idea love could be like this. This free. This uplifting. This strengthening. This powerful. This beautiful. This joyful. This accepting. This unconditional. Reid showed me. And Danny opened up all this fatherly love. Yet another new level. So much love.

All I hope is that I’ve managed to make you feel as loved as you make me feel. We can never be separated. We’ll always be connected. I hope you will remember me with a smile.’

Luke ruffled his own hair, making it stick out in different directions. It made Reid look up and smile for a moment, but then he was back to the typing.

“I thought you had finished yours,” Luke took a huge pull of his soda.

“I did,” Reid nodded, giving Luke a quick glance, “this is something else.”

When Luke didn’t respond, Reid looked up again. “I’ll let you read it when I’m done.”

“Okay,” Luke closed his laptop and sprawled on the couch, both feet against Reid’s upper leg. “I’ll just wait and enjoy the view.”

“You do that,” Reid squeezed one of Luke’s toes. “By all means stimulate your appetite…”

Luke’s chuckle was low and hot.

“Already there…”

Reid growled and hesitated. He could finish this some other time…As if Luke had read his mind – Reid was getting more and more convinced that Luke actually could – his blond continued:

“…but I can wait. And I will. As I said, I’m enjoying my view.”

Reid gave him a telling smile that made Luke swallow and then returned to his laptop. Reading back what he wrote so far.

‘The day our paths crossed in the hospital has been one of the most impressive days of my life. I became a father that day. I never imagined how it would feel, being someone’s dad. I was still getting used to being someone’s ‘significant other’. Coming to terms with ‘being in love and being loved’. All new concepts for me. And then you came along and at first our connection confused me. I thought it was because you looked like a mini-Luke. The blond hair, the brown eyes.
But I now realize it had nothing to do with looks. I recognize myself in you. A lot, actually. Your lack of trust in people, your confusion about love and family… Seeing you deal with it, makes me deal with it.

I feel so blessed that you are my son. Everything adds up. I love watching you and Luke interact. It’s perfection in action. It gives me hope. That all this love will heal your deep wounds. Every day I’m in awe of your resilience. Your ability to laugh after everything you endured. I love you, Danny. You’re so beautiful, in every possible way. I can only hope I will be here to watch you grow up into this awesome man I know you’ll become.’  

Reid nodded at the screen. Writing down his feelings wasn’t something he was used to, but he was pleased with the result. He was even more pleased he was done.

He looked at Luke and felt something stir. His blond had put one hand under his head and was looking at him. With that huge, blinding smile of his. All love.

He took Luke’s foot in his hand and shook it a little.

“I know this was important to do, but not my idea of fun, Looker,” he wanted to close the lid of the laptop, but Luke’s hand movement made him stop. He activated the document again and handed Luke the computer.

While he made himself comfortable too, he enjoyed Luke’s facial expressions again. Surprise, when Luke realized what he was reading. Emotion. Respect. Understanding. Love. It was all there and it was still accumulated in Luke’s eyes when he put away the laptop and made his way to Reid’s chest.

“Again, beautiful.” Leaning on his hands, he positioned his face above Reid’s. “Our Danny will grow into this awesome man, because you are one too, Dr. Oliver.”

“Thanks,” Reid mumbled, his eyes on Luke’s moving lips. Then he realized something.

“I haven’t read your wish list yet…”

“You didn’t ask…”

Reid rolled his eyes.

“And you were busy with your letter to Danny,” Luke continued. He frowned. “Do you want to read it now?”

It was obvious Luke had other plans, but Reid decided to nod anyway and with a soft sigh Luke sat up straight again, took out his laptop and then gave it to Reid.

The annoyance over the delay vanished when he saw Reid’s face soften by his words. Sharing this would make their lovemaking even better, if that was humanly possible at this point. Luke grinned.

When Reid looked up, narrowing his eyes, Luke knew why.

“Special date, huh?”

Reid nodded. “It is.” He sounded impressed, but returned to reading again.

Luke saw Reid smile and he grinned. He knew Reid liked it when Luke was selfish. Or, as Reid liked to call it, if he was true to himself. He remembered their first discussion about it very vividly. They hadn’t been living together yet and Luke had to cancel a date, because his mother had some crisis and he needed to watch his siblings. And Reid had not been amused.

In his defense Luke had mentioned that he wasn’t selfish and that Reid just had to live with that. It had triggered Reid’s longest speech until that point in time.

He had explained to Luke that his incapacity to say ‘no’ had nothing to do with not being selfish and everything to do with the disease to please. With the fear of being rejected if he didn’t do what was expected of him.

And Luke had been honest enough to admit that Reid had a point. But he had also pointed out that he liked helping others. And that’s when Reid had gone full throttle with two metaphors Luke had remembered ever since. 

“Think of yourself as a bank account. If you would only give, without ever receiving, you’ll go bankrupt. You need to deposit once in a while, so your account stays healthy.”

“But I’ve enough to give,” Luke had objected and Reid had sighed. Loudly.

“Okay, I’ll admit. That was not the best example in your case. Okay, let’s take a flight. Commercial. Remember what they tell you about the oxygen masks?”
“You mean the stuff about traveling with kids or people who need help?” Luke had sounded annoyed and it had made Reid laugh.

“Let me guess, Snyder. You resent the fact that they advise you to put on your mask first before you attend to others.”

“I do,” Luke had admitted.

“So typical,” Reid had snorted, but not sarcastically. “But tell me this, Luke. How much use are you to others if you’re unconscious from the lack of oxygen?”

It had been quiet for a moment and Luke had gotten it. His “Wow’’ had been proof of that.  

He was still smiling when Reid finished reading and the doctor raised an eyebrow.

“What’s that smile about, Looker?”

“I was recalling our conversation about being selfish versus being true to yourself.”

“And again there was a plane involved,” Reid muttered, while he put the laptop on the side table. “And I’m glad you took notes. Wishing you will go first…”

Luke grinned and made his way to Reid’s chest once again.

“Did I make you proud?”

“Actually you did,” Reid pushed away a lock from Luke’s forehead. “It’s a beautiful statement you made.”

“Thanks,” Luke teased with soft and quick kisses on Reid’s lips. “I’m glad we’ve gotten that off our plates.”

“Me too,” Reid licked his lips, “Now I want you on my plate, please.”

Luke lowered himself until his whole body covered Reid’s.

“How hungry are you?”

Reid grinned. “You need to ask? Really?”

“Up for a four?”

With a sudden hand movement Reid grabbed Luke’s head and pulled it down.

“Show me the way.”

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #132 Peace of mind
Rating: PG
Summary:  “You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” - George Michael
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 131

‘As promised I started thinking about ‘my last wishes’ and encountered a T-junction after the first step. I realize my wishes are very connected to the circumstances. So I’ve made a LP version and the LG version.

If Mr. Snyder had the nerve to leave me Lukeless (the Luke Gone version), my whishes are simple. I’ve dedicated my whole life to the Medical Community and to saving lives, so after everything still useable has been harvested, I donate my remains to science.

If I was forced to leave Luke (the Luke Present version) his wish is my wish. Whatever brings him comfort is fine by me.’

Reid took a deep sigh. He so didn’t want to go there, but what he even hated more was the thought of not doing it and wishing he had. He didn’t even notice Luke’s frown and started typing again.

‘And please, Looker…be true to yourself about it.. You already gave so much to the world. This is about you and me. If you feel the need to have my body more or less present, by all means…put me in the ground. I will not mind the tight space. Not anymore. If you want me even closer, turn me into ashes and carry me with you. I always loved being with you. As close as possible.

I’m convinced we will always be connected, even if there’s no body to hold onto.
You are my life, Luke, and you will always be my love. Whatever life throws at us, that love will always be solid. Even when death do us part.

Thank you for being my oxygen when life put me out of breath. Thank you for being my lifeline when I was lost. Thank you for catching me before I knew I was falling. Thank you for loving me. I’m still not sure why you do, but I know that you do and I’m grateful that you do. You are such an amazing human being. I can’t look at you without smiling. I can’t think about you without loving. I can’t be with you without touching.
You know all this, already. I’ve told you all this many times before and I’m glad. Remember it’s you who offered me that security to be completely vulnerable. Another thing I love you for.

So whenever it will be my cue to leave, know that I will be kicking and screaming all the way. The last thing I ever want to do is to part from you. So I won’t. Even if you can’t see me or touch me anymore, I’ll make sure you’ll know I’m around. And if you find a new love, I will haunt him. I’m kidding. Maybe.’

“Are you writing a book too?” Luke’s eyes were a mixture of curiosity and teasing and Reid smiled at him.

“I’m working on your request,” he explained and when he saw Luke’s questioning gaze, he continued, “The last wishes thing.”

Luke paled and instinctively Reid touched Luke’s hand.

“I know I asked for it, but hearing you say it…” Luke shivered, “…gives me the creeps.”

“Try writing it,” Reid whispered, running his fingers through his curls.

“I will,” Luke replied, “Can I read it?”

“It’s still a draft…”

I guess that’s a no, Luke thought and lowered his head without noticing. Reid was right. There was no time like the present with things like this. But still…the ostrich policy felt pretty alluring right now.
He was startled by the hand under his chin, tilting his head.

“You can read it, but it’s not finished yet. That’s all I’m saying.”

Luke blushed. Jumping to the wrong conclusions much?

“I’d love to read it. Just to get me started too.”

Reid nodded and started typing. “It will be in your mail…” Luke’s laptop beeped, “now.”

He could feel Reid watching him, but Luke didn’t make eye contact. Reid didn’t mind. Luke’s face was an open book anyway. He could tell by Luke’s facial expressions which part he was reading.
Frowning at the LP and LG thing, a quick smile at the explanation of it, choking up at all the love stuff and grinning at the haunting remark.

“It’s beautiful,” Luke whispered.

“It’s the truth,” Reid shrugged, although pleased with the comment.

“Thanks for the inspiration,” Luke gave Reid a quick nod. “I’ll try to get my wishes clear too.”

“Good,” Reid focused on his own document again, but paused and softly squeezed Luke’s hand. “Writing about it will not put it in motion, you know.”

Luke looked baffled. How could Reid have known that was his biggest fear? He hadn’t even had to ask. Reid answered already.

“I’ve seen you reading The Secret.”

“And you think it’s woolly crap,” Luke guessed.
“Nope,” Reid surprised him. “It’s Einstein. Cause and effect. And don’t forget…I study the mind. I’m convinced our brain is very powerful, so the basic principle wasn’t a secret to me to begin with. But I don’t believe thinking about something will make it happen. I think it’s all about intention. And it’s not our intention to call down death upon us. It’s our intention to give each other peace of mind.”

Luke slowly nodded, letting Reid’s words sink in.

“Good point.”

He chuckled at Reid’s famous ‘why-do-you-sound-so-surprised-you-know-I’m-a-genius-for-heaven-sake’-raised eyebrow and then both men concentrated on the screen in front of them.

‘Let’s be honest here. You ARE love, Luke. Poster child, representative, ultimate personification of love. That’s who you are. And you give it so joyfully, so generously, so passionately. Don’t let anyone dim that light. Don’t let anything darken you. Most of all, don’t let my passing be any extinguishing factor. So keep loving. As much as you can. And make sure you are loved. Truly loved. If he treats you right, I won’t let any furniture fly around. I think.
Your happiness has been my mission in life. Not in a sacrificing way, not in an effacing way, not in a subservient way. But pure selfishness. Because when you’re happy, I can take on the world. When you’re happy, everything is right with my world. It will also be my mission in death. Your happiness. So surround yourself with love.

When the time is right, we’ll meet again. I love you.’

Reid let out a deep, telling sigh and it made Luke look up with a vague smile.

“You’re done?”

“Yeah, I think I am. How are you getting along?”

Luke pulled a face.

“Not ready to show you anything, I’m afraid. Turns out I really don’t know what I want. All I know is that I don’t want us to be separated.”

“That goes without saying,” Reid gave him a quick smile. “Neither do I. But it’s the one thing we all have in common. Eventually we will all die one day.”

Luke took a deep breath. “That’s a good line to start with. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Soda?”

Luke nodded, already typing and Reid made his way to their kitchen. He hadn’t expected it, but Luke had been right. Writing this stuff down gave him some peace of mind. Another idea popped in his brain and it made him nod to himself. That was a good plan. But first he wanted to eat. Softly whistling he filled a tray with all kinds of goodies. Pretty confident that they would work off the calories later that evening…

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #132 Peace of mind
Rating: PG
Summary:  “You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart.” - George Michael
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 131


‘As promised I started thinking about ‘my last wishes’ and encountered a T-junction after the first step. I realize my wishes are very connected to the circumstances. So I’ve made a LP version and the LG version.

If Mr. Snyder had the nerve to leave me Lukeless (the Luke Gone version), my whishes are simple. I’ve dedicated my whole life to the Medical Community and to saving lives, so after everything still useable has been harvested, I donate my remains to science.

If I was forced to leave Luke (the Luke Present version) his wish is my wish. Whatever brings him comfort is fine by me.’

Reid took a deep sigh. He so didn’t want to go there, but what he even hated more was the thought of not doing it and wishing he had. He didn’t even notice Luke’s frown and started typing again.

‘And please, Looker…be true to yourself about it.. You already gave so much to the world. This is about you and me. If you feel the need to have my body more or less present, by all means…put me in the ground. I will not mind the tight space. Not anymore. If you want me even closer, turn me into ashes and carry me with you. I always loved being with you. As close as possible.

I’m convinced we will always be connected, even if there’s no body to hold onto.

You are my life, Luke, and you will always be my love. Whatever life throws at us, that love will always be solid. Even when death do us part.

Thank you for being my oxygen when life put me out of breath. Thank you for being my lifeline when I was lost. Thank you for catching me before I knew I was falling. Thank you for loving me. I’m still not sure why you do, but I know that you do and I’m grateful that you do. You are such an amazing human being. I can’t look at you without smiling. I can’t think about you without loving. I can’t be with you without touching.

You know all this, already. I’ve told you all this many times before and I’m glad. Remember it’s you who offered me that security to be completely vulnerable. Another thing I love you for.

So whenever it will be my cue to leave, know that I will be kicking and screaming all the way. The last thing I ever want to do is to part from you. So I won’t. Even if you can’t see me or touch me anymore, I’ll make sure you’ll know I’m around. And if you find a new love, I will haunt him. I’m kidding. Maybe.’

“Are you writing a book too?” Luke’s eyes were a mixture of curiosity and teasing and Reid smiled at him.

“I’m working on your request,” he explained and when he saw Luke’s questioning gaze, he continued, “The last wishes thing.”

Luke paled and instinctively Reid touched Luke’s hand.

“I know I asked for it, but hearing you say it…” Luke shivered, “…gives me the creeps.”

“Try writing it,” Reid whispered, running his fingers through his curls.

“I will,” Luke replied, “Can I read it?”

“It’s still a draft…”

I guess that’s a no, Luke thought and lowered his head without noticing. Reid was right. There was no time like the present with things like this. But still…the ostrich policy felt pretty alluring right now.

He was startled by the hand under his chin, tilting his head.

“You can read it, but it’s not finished yet. That’s all I’m saying.”

Luke blushed. Jumping to the wrong conclusions much?

“I’d love to read it. Just to get me started too.”

Reid nodded and started typing. “It will be in your mail…” Luke’s laptop beeped, “now.”

He could feel Reid watching him, but Luke didn’t make eye contact. Reid didn’t mind. Luke’s face was an open book anyway. He could tell by Luke’s facial expressions which part he was reading.

Frowning at the LP and LG thing, a quick smile at the explanation of it, choking up at all the love stuff and grinning at the haunting remark.

“It’s beautiful,” Luke whispered.

“It’s the truth,” Reid shrugged, although pleased with the comment.

“Thanks for the inspiration,” Luke gave Reid a quick nod. “I’ll try to get my wishes clear too.”

“Good,” Reid focused on his own document again, but paused and softly squeezed Luke’s hand. “Writing about it will not put it in motion, you know.”

Luke looked baffled. How could Reid have known that was his biggest fear? He hadn’t even had to ask. Reid answered already.

“I’ve seen you reading The Secret.”

“And you think it’s woolly crap,” Luke guessed.

“Nope,” Reid surprised him. “It’s Einstein. Cause and effect. And don’t forget…I study the mind. I’m convinced our brain is very powerful, so the basic principle wasn’t a secret to me to begin with. But I don’t believe thinking about something will make it happen. I think it’s all about intention. And it’s not our intention to call down death upon us. It’s our intention to give each other peace of mind.”

Luke slowly nodded, letting Reid’s words sink in.

“Good point.”

He chuckled at Reid’s famous ‘why-do-you-sound-so-surprised-you-know-I’m-a-genius-for-heaven-sake’-raised eyebrow and then both men concentrated on the screen in front of them.

‘Let’s be honest here. You ARE love, Luke. Poster child, representative, ultimate personification of love. That’s who you are. And you give it so joyfully, so generously, so passionately. Don’t let anyone dim that light. Don’t let anything darken you. Most of all, don’t let my passing be any extinguishing factor. So keep loving. As much as you can. And make sure you are loved. Truly loved. If he treats you right, I won’t let any furniture fly around. I think.

Your happiness has been my mission in life. Not in a sacrificing way, not in an effacing way, not in a subservient way. But pure selfishness. Because when you’re happy, I can take on the world. When you’re happy, everything is right with my world. It will also be my mission in death. Your happiness. So surround yourself with love.

When the time is right, we’ll meet again. I love you.’

Reid let out a deep, telling sigh and it made Luke look up with a vague smile.

“You’re done?”

“Yeah, I think I am. How are you getting along?”

Luke pulled a face.

“Not ready to show you anything, I’m afraid. Turns out I really don’t know what I want. All I know is that I don’t want us to be separated.”

“That goes without saying,” Reid gave him a quick smile. “Neither do I. But it’s the one thing we all have in common. Eventually we will all die one day.”

Luke took a deep breath. “That’s a good line to start with. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Soda?”

Luke nodded, already typing and Reid made his way to their kitchen. He hadn’t expected it, but Luke had been right. Writing this stuff down gave him some peace of mind. Another idea popped in his brain and it made him nod to himself. That was a good plan. But first he wanted to eat. Softly whistling he filled a tray with all kinds of goodies. Pretty confident that they would work off the calories later that evening…

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #131 Climbing mountains
Rating: PG
Summary: “Climb every mountain, ford every stream. Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream.” - Oscar Hammerstein II
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 130

Everything felt different. They’d sat like this many, many times before. On opposite sides of the couch, their legs entwined. But still it was different now. Everything felt more emotionally charged, more intense, more…important, now.

Luke closed his laptop, leaned over to put it on the coffee table and when he came back up, he saw Reid waving him in. Without any protest he nestled himself against the slim body.

“Trouble concentrating?”

“Yeah,” Luke sighed, “but please don’t go doctor on me. Not tonight. Will already diagnosed me with acute stress disorder.”

“You played doctor with Will?” Reid raised an eyebrow and in spite of everything, Luke laughed and softly slapped Reid’s chest.

“But he might be right,” Reid continued on a more serious tone and Luke nodded.

“I know.”

“Let me know if you feel you need help with it,” Reid kissed Luke’s temple and held his mouth on that spot for a while, taking in Luke’s scent. Luke’s being.

“How about you?” Luke looked up. “Any after blows?”

“Not really. I do think about the crash a lot. The people who lost their lives, I mean.”

Luke cuddled up a little closer.

“I know, me too. Will and I are exploring ways to help out in some way.”

“Now that’s putting a positive spin to it,” the words carried pride and respect to Luke’s ears and the blond smiled.

“It helps,” he softly said. “I was almost one of them.”

They both were silent for a while.

“It’s astounding how fast some stories can go, because Gwen got a lot of calls from all kinds of TV stations, asking for an interview with me.”

It made Luke sit up a little.

“And?”

“I’m not going there. Gwen had created a beautiful statement…”

Reid smiled when he thought about the moment she told him.

“I’ve taken the liberty to put some words in your mouth,” her smile had been genuine, but her face had still showed the emotions of the day before, “and I told them that you are grateful to be alive, but that all attention and care should go to the next of kin of the victims, not to you.”

“I said that?” Reid had rolled his eyes, “I was eloquent!”

Gwen had laughed and so did Luke now.

“That is a beautiful statement,” he agreed.

“Disastrous for my reputation, though,” Reid growled, “Such a shame. I was just building that back up during the convention.”

“Oh boy,” Luke chuckled, “how obnoxious were you?”

“Very,” Reid chuckled too, “but only to the Dumb and the Clueless.”

“Let me guess…except for the two doctors you want in your wing, that was about everybody?”

“You know me so well,” Reid pulled Luke even closer.

“Well…” Luke sat up again, “I wanted to talk to you about that…”

“About how well you know me?”

“More about important stuff I don’t know,” Luke sighed. “I was thinking about this last night.”

“You should have been sleeping, last night.”

“I couldn’t. But please let me do this. It’s important to me.”

Reid just nodded, indicating he was all ears.

“If anything would have happened, I wouldn’t have a clue about your wishes…”

“My wishes for what?”

“Funeral. Memorial service. If you want to be buried or cremated. Stuff like that.”

Reid took a deep breath.

“You want to discuss that now?”

“Not really,” Luke sounded defeated. “I don’t want to think about it. But it would give me some peace of mind if I knew…”

Reid nodded.

“You’re right. I will put it into writing soon, I promise, and I want you to do that too. But until then… let me state very clearly that I am fine with whatever you decide. It’s not like I will be around for any of it, so whatever brings you comfort is perfect by me.”

“Okay,” Luke found his spot against Reid again, “Thanks. Same here.”

“Okay. But for the record… don’t get it in your head to get yourself killed…”

“Believe me, if I would have any say, it would be the furthest thing from my mind…”

“Good,” Reid started to shift his body and while pulling Luke with him he stretched himself out on the couch.

He softly massaged the tense muscles in Luke’s back and frowned.

“What can I do to help,” he whispered and he could feel Luke smile on his chest.

“You’re doing it. Just hold me. A part of me still can’t believe you’re here.”

With soft strokes Reid kept caressing Luke’s back and slowly but surely he could feel his man relax. A little.

“I’m here,” he whispered in the blond locks and he could feel Luke gasp.

“I love you so much,” Luke sobbed, “I scares me to think what it will do to me if something happens to you…”

“I know,” Reid swallowed, “I have the same fear. And it’s an well known fear, remember? We’ve tackled that one many times in the last few months.”

Luke calmed down a little, realizing Reid was right. It was the same fear over and over again.

“We need to focus on the love,” Reid continued, “or else I’ll go crazy. The thought…no, I’m not going there. We’re doing good, Looker. We’re making the most of every day…that’s all we can do. Maybe that’s the only reason death exists…to remind us to live.”

“You’re right.” Luke started to relax even more now, “We’re doing good. Focusing on the love.”

Luke looked up and immediately he felt Reid’s lips on his and without moving, they took each other on a trip. Climbing the mountain of fear and enjoying the view when they reached to top. They promised each other heaven, while they were floating on clouds. The oncoming lack of oxygen made them land on earth again.

“You’re a divine kisser, Mr. Snyder.”

“You’re pretty good yourself, Dr. Oliver.”

“Maybe we can get even better if we keep practicing.”

“Sounds like an intriguing experiment, doctor.”

“It could be,” Reid grinned, “It’s worth the effort, don’t you agree?”

“You’re the genius, Dr. Oliver. Whatever you say…”

“Hmmm…I like submission…”

“Really?”

“Well…sometimes…”

“Like when?”

“Like now.”

“You’re in charge, Dr. Oliver. Any kiss tricks up your sleeve you want to share?”

“As you pointed out so justifiably, I am a genius. I’ll make them up as we go along.”

Luke’s chuckle was low and filled with anticipation.

“I think you just have to show me, Dr. Oliver.”

And he did.

Word Soap: As The World Keeps Turning
Author: SYLnl
Title:  #130 Impact
Rating: PG
Summary:  “The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment.” - Tony Robbins
Big Thanks To: ltklo, for brushing up my grammar

Previously on As The World Keeps Turning: click here for chapters 1 - 129

The minute he entered the hospital it was obvious. The word was out. His walk to his office couldn’t have felt more weird if there had been a red carpet. People applauding, welcoming him back, telling him how great it was to see him…

He felt like yelling. ‘I didn’t do anything important! I took a cab instead of a plane. That’s it.’

Somehow that one choice had given him some kind of hero status. He could have handled a hero status if it had been about a mindboggling surgery or any other outburst of genius. But this had been a stroke of luck. Nothing more, nothing less.

It didn’t mean he didn’t appreciate the bouquet of flowers on his desk. He did. But it also made him feel guilty. For some reason he had been given a way out. A lot of people had not been that fortunate.

He sat down behind his desk and took a deep breath, but rose to his feet when he saw his visitor.

Without a word they approached each other and their hug was short but genuine.

“That was close,” Bob sounded calm, but Reid felt the man’s emotions.

“It was,” he agreed, taking a seat again.

“Luke must have gone out of his mind.”

“He was a mess,” Reid nodded. “We still are in a way, to be honest.”

“Survivor’s guilt?” Bob guessed.

“And then some,” Reid agreed. “I’ve never understood that mechanism and I still don’t, but I am experiencing it anyway.”

The older man smiled. “Maybe it’s just a human thing,” he suggested. “When something bad happens to us, we ask ourselves ‘why me’ and when something bad happens to someone else, we wonder ‘why not me’.”

Reid chuckled. “Good point.”

“Personally I’m glad it wasn’t you,” Bob gave him a fatherly smile. “Kim and I were very upset when Katie told us the news.”

It made Reid feel loved and uncomfortable at the same time. It was a strange realization that he would actually be missed if he had been on that plane. That people would have cried. Grieved. Not for what he did, but for who he was.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Reid murmured, not knowing what to say.

“Don’t. It just shows how much we love you,” Bob said on a ‘no-big-deal’-tone. But they both knew it was. It was a very big deal.

“So how’s the life of a retired Chief of Staff? Enjoying it yet?”

“Not really, although I must confess…sleeping in starts to grow on me. Kim is also reducing her hours at WOAK, so we have more time to spend together. That’s another big bonus. And Chris is still living with us, so that’s a nice way to stay connected with the ins and outs.”

“Ready for your big party, next week?”

When Bob narrowed his eyes, Reid lifted both hands.

“Don’t look at me. You know it’s out of my hands. I set the budget and I made sure Janet is making the food.”

Bob laughed. “I wasn’t worried about the food,” he grinned. “But please make sure the amount of speeches will be limited.”

“Again, I have no say in it. I wouldn’t worry too much, though. You’ve always been the big speaker around here, so I don’t think anybody is willing to challenge the master.”

“I know you can…”

“Ah, you expect me to be there, do you?”

Reid pulled a face and Bob shook his head. He had missed this little verbal sparing and he felt grateful he still could. He watched the young doctor in front of him. Life would have been pretty empty without him around.

“I do.” Bob looked like he wanted to say more, but then Chris walked in and he stood up.

“Hey Dad,” Chris gave his father a soft pat on the shoulder and shook hands with Reid. “I didn’t want to interrupt…”

“No, no…you boys have work to do. I just wanted to check how Reid was doing…and now I know. So I’m out of here. See you next week, Reid.”

“He really expects me to be there,” Reid muttered under his breath, loud enough for the other men to hear and while Bob left the office laughing, Chris raised an eyebrow.

He realized there had to be a joke in there somewhere, but he didn’t get it. So he changed the subject.

“I got your mail about the two doctors you’d like to add. You do realize it will mean exceeding the budget, don’t you?”

Reid nodded and gave the man a quick smile. “I do. Sit and let me explain.”

***
“…and this organization had been trying to cut corners, last year. I think we should keep an eye on them…”

Luke really tried to focus on the screen in front of him, but the words danced before his eyes in a blur. He wasn’t crying. He just couldn’t get his brain to work properly.

“…but let me handle that.” Will smiled. “Did you get any sleep last night?”

That question made Luke look up. After some hesitation he shook his head.

“Not much,” he softly replied, with his eyes on Danny. He didn’t want the boy to be distracted, but he didn’t need to worry. His son was concentrating on some exercise and only had eyes for his tutor.

“I can’t shut it down. That crash is all I think about.”

“It was an incredible scare, Luke. Of course you’re affected. Even Gwen and I still had the shakes last night.”

Luke nodded. “I know. It was…disturbing.”

For a moment they both watched the kids.

“Danny looks relaxed enough,” Will concluded.

“He is really cool about it. It’s amazing. But then again, he never thought for a minute Reid was dead. He hasn’t been tugged around like we have.”

“True, but he was affected. Especially when he had to stay here to give you guys some privacy. He didn’t like that one bit. But Miss Lydia handled him very well, I must say. She was friendly, but firm. She took him seriously and that made him share some personal stuff. Pretty impressive story about the angel. Did he show you the drawing he made yesterday?”

Luke nodded. “Of Annie? Yeah, he did. It’s the weirdest thing.”

“Not to Danny,” Will smiled.

“Whatever it is, I’m glad it kept Danny out of the emotional loop we all were in.”

“Were? I think we still are,” Will gave Luke a wink and stood up. “Coffee?”

After a quick nod, Luke concentrated on the screen again, but basically he couldn’t care less what that organization was doing or not doing. He was wondering how Reid was doing. He picked up his phone and sent a text.

• Hey.

His thumb hung above the cell, ready to type more. So much he wanted to say. So much he wanted to ask. Reid would understand. He pushed the send button.

• LY2

Luke smiled at the reply. He was right. Reid understood Luke’s need to connect. To make sure he was okay.

When Will returned with the coffee, he felt relief seeing Luke’s smile.

“Good news?”

“He’s alive. Best news ever,” Luke grinned and took a deep breath. “Okay…”

He looked at the screen again and Will softly chuckled.

“Let’s leave it for now. Tell me what you really want to do.”

Luke frowned. “It’s kind of sick…”

“Tell me…”

“I feel this need to know more about the victims of the crash. I don’t know why. I don’t owe them anything. But still, I feel connected. I was very close to being one of them.”

“I completely understand,” Will shrugged, “but why do you think that’s sick?”

“It feels morbid, somehow.”

“Not to me,” Will was already on Google. “Maybe the Foundation can do something…”

That thought sparked a fire inside Luke. His brown eyes began to glow.

“Good point,” he was working his laptop too and all of a sudden it turned into a productive working day after all.